Originally, this blog topic was intended to be on the subject of “backmasking.” That’s when rock bands put backward messages into their music. It was all the rage back in the 70s and 80s. Bands like Judas Priest and Led Zeppelin were accused of including subliminal satanic mind-control messages in their songs. There were congressional inquiries. It turned out to be one of the dumbest moral panics in history.
The “satanic messages,” of course, were complete horseshit, because it’s practically impossible to purposefully sing or speak something that is intelligible both forward and backward. This is why most of the alleged messages sounded like the singer was having a seizure. But backmasking has been used intentionally by lots of bands, including The Beatles, mostly because it sounds cool.
Now, I actually had something brilliant and insightful to say about this subject, but because I’m slowly becoming a slobbering geriatric, I couldn’t remember the title of a specific rock song with backmasking in it that would best illustrate my genius. Nor could I remember the band who recorded it. That’s when I had to open up a Google search and punch in music messages, in hope something there would jog my memory. After considerable archeological digging, I found it.
But I also found this:
I laughed out loud in a serious WTF moment. Really? We’re honestly supposed to believe that a massage is all this creepy bastard has on his mind? This album cover should be called Music to Drug Some Woman You Meet At a Bar So You Can Take Her Home and Chain Her Up in Your Rape Dungeon For Six Months At Which Point You Mistakenly Begin to Believe She Has Developed Feelings For You So You Unchain Her and She Escapes and Then the Police Arrest You and Find a Bunch of Skulls Buried Under Your Front Porch By.
Anyway, my brilliant point was lost somewhere in the ensuing laughter. It’s gone now. Vanished. For anybody who cares, the song I’d searched for was Pink Floyd’s Empty Spaces from The Wall album.
It contains what sounds like mumbling when heard forward, but is actually muffled speech that reveals itself when reversed. Any concerned bureaucrat desperate to find something to be outraged about must have gotten pretty excited when he reached that part. Well, until he heard what it says:
In case you missed it, it goes “Hello, hunters. Congratulations. You have just discovered the secret message. Please send your answer to Old Pink, care of the Funny Farm, Chalfont—“
And then the speaker is interrupted by a female voice saying someone is on the phone. Not exactly “DELIVER YOUR ANUS UNTO SATAN,” but I’m afraid that’s about as exciting as real instances of backmasking get.
Whatever mind-blowing insight I intended to write just doesn’t matter anymore. It’s more fun to refer back to the Music to Massage Your Mate By album and figure out the subliminal messages in that psychopath’s eyes.