DAVID’S GLITTERY ABS

It’s sad how ignorant most Americans are of historical events.  As a society, we’re getting pretty damned collectively dumb.  No doubt about it.  Most people would rather see pictures of celebrities eating sandwiches or cleaning up dog poop.  We’re less interested in history than in seeing Kim Kardashian pull her underwear out of her gigantic butt crack.

So, at first, I felt a sort of approval at the news that Hollywood wants to remake the biblical story of David and Goliath.

 

 

Until, that is . . .

. . . word from the grapevine leaked out that its to be produced by same people that made Twilight, and that the movie will be in the “spirit” of the Bourne trilogy and 300.  The Rock is in negotiations for the Goliath role, while an offer is already on the table for Taylor Lautner to play David.  The story is set in motion when the fierce warrior Goliath is sent to track down a foretold king of the Israelites. A young shepherd David is then thrust into an epic chase and adventure fighting for his own life, the lives of his loved ones, and eventually the lives of his people.  The story climaxes in a battle of literally Biblical proportions between the young shepherd and the giant warrior.

Sigh.

Epic chase and adventure fighting.

I can already envision the action posturing and squeal of teenage girls in the audience at the sight of Lautner’s glistening six-pack abs.

 

 

And, of course, none of the metaphysical essences, things like adversity, fear, doubt, faith, courage, success, failure, etc., will be included in the requisite action video game that will accompany the film’s promotional marketing.  All the abstract spiritual principles of the story will be reduced to collecting objects, avoiding obstacles, and battling pesky Philistines.

MASSIVE fail, Hollywood.

 

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